Things have been pretty busy and complex these few weeks.
I seem to be facing failures all the time no matter how hard i tried my effots doesnt seem to pay off. maybe im doing things wrongly. or maybe i lack the brain cells,
i totally regretted many things in my life starting from O levels. math has changed my future drastically. i cant study the course that i want to. now im in jc can i even make it through. all ill end up disappointing everyone else. including myself badly. sometimes i do not know why i work so hard for? at the end of the day what will i get? in terms of cca i feel like a failure. i dont even deserve the title. i achieved no success. on the surface it may look im okay with losing, im happy with losing. but deep down it kinda hurts knowing u have been beaten narrowly by a close friend. i seem to be constanstly stuck at the same level. i've prob given on cca.

i don't know whats wrong with me for the past days. i want to change my weakness in crying so easily when sometimes it's stupid. i do not know what im crying for. tears just seem to flow out of. i have been trying to refrain from breaking down in school. im a sucker at handling stress.
what do i live my live for? it feels painful to be insulted by many times. i just swallow it down and walk away. im being so stupid.

im happy i have met you. you have brought happiness into my life. sometimes or rather almost all the while. i do not deserve the care and love that you shower me upon. i do not know what to do with myself. or help myself.