defer was successful im thankful for that.
had one of the worst scares i had in my life,
gave me a mental shock for 2 days.
idk why i feel like crying again gosh i suck do i.
sheevonne toh i need you):
u're e person that never fails to make me laugh, i be really who i am when im with you.
that special inseparable bond we shared
sometimes i really want to give u a nice tight hug and thank you for everything u have done.

is it just me or you.
are we really meant for each other
does our character mean to match
sometimes i really dont know what to do or supposed to do.
maybe im just stupid or too self centered.
i cant seem to change.

the promos are just 76 days away,
i dont see any postive light ahead,
can i even go through this
im really a sucker at stress aint i
i seem to suck at everything
i always cry when i write in this blog.
u said i shld try to control, and im already am trying to control my emotional state.

i dont know what to do.

this blog is good for venting of anger, emo-ing.
the fear of not being able to make it to uni is just too overpowering.

i think by the end of As i woul have prob collected a bucket or pail of water. well is too extreme

deep down. i feel so darn alone. fighting this battle all by myself.

i seriously lack the discpline nowadays to stop myself from eating and studying hard.
fuck.

fk.
i dont know how im gg to face myself.
i dont know how im gg to face my parents
i dont know how im gg to face my teachers
i dont know how im gg to face my friends
i dont know how im gg to face reality.
i dont know how im gg to turn it all around.

i hate myself for being so weak. fk. get a grip

Things have been pretty busy and complex these few weeks.
I seem to be facing failures all the time no matter how hard i tried my effots doesnt seem to pay off. maybe im doing things wrongly. or maybe i lack the brain cells,
i totally regretted many things in my life starting from O levels. math has changed my future drastically. i cant study the course that i want to. now im in jc can i even make it through. all ill end up disappointing everyone else. including myself badly. sometimes i do not know why i work so hard for? at the end of the day what will i get? in terms of cca i feel like a failure. i dont even deserve the title. i achieved no success. on the surface it may look im okay with losing, im happy with losing. but deep down it kinda hurts knowing u have been beaten narrowly by a close friend. i seem to be constanstly stuck at the same level. i've prob given on cca.

i don't know whats wrong with me for the past days. i want to change my weakness in crying so easily when sometimes it's stupid. i do not know what im crying for. tears just seem to flow out of. i have been trying to refrain from breaking down in school. im a sucker at handling stress.
what do i live my live for? it feels painful to be insulted by many times. i just swallow it down and walk away. im being so stupid.

im happy i have met you. you have brought happiness into my life. sometimes or rather almost all the while. i do not deserve the care and love that you shower me upon. i do not know what to do with myself. or help myself.